Gah, I gave up on no shampoo this morning. Because annoying greaseball on my head.
My hair might need to get a bit longer before this is feasible again.
“Hey! Hey! I think I finally made something cute.”
“Oh, yeah? Let’s see.”
“It’s a ‘shoebill.’ It’s big and blue and adorable. Nice, right?”
“It’s… hm. I don’t know. I like the blue, but something about those eyes is kind of creeping me out right now.”
“What? Come on. Those are friendly eyes. It wants to be your friend.”
“Okay. Okay, yeah. You’re right, evolution, I’m sorry. Should I feed it, maybe? What does it eat?”
“Baby crocodiles.”
“Oh Jesus Christ.”
wtfevolution is my favorite. Sorry everyone else.
One night evolution had a vision of a world where things were perfect. Life coexisted peacefully with other life; nobody fought or died or ate each other’s entrails. There were no monsters in the ocean, only leafy sea dragons, fluttering calmly back and forth to keep everyone safe. It was a world of serenity, a world of quiet splendor, where everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.
"[Darcy] wisely resolved, to be particularly careful that no sign of admiration should now escape him—nothing that could elevate her with the hope of influencing his felicity; sensible that, if such an idea had been suggested, his behaviour during the last day must have material weight in confirming or crushing it. Steady to his purpose, he scarcely spoke ten words to her through the whole of Saturday; and though they were at one time left by themselves for half an hour, he adhered most conscientiously to his book and would not even look at her."
—
you guys/gals it’s just too funny I legit get into giggle fits (via thelifeguardlibrarian)
In which Darcy confuses Surprise Parties with Marriage Proposals. Learn from his mistake.
inspired by this awesome post by bluebackstabber
(Source: mysimpsonsblogisgreaterthanyours, via methodistcoloringbook)
Our reference paraprofessional got chocolate and hid a toffee one just for me.
BEST. PARAPROFESSIONAL. EVAR.
For all of you that believe that vulgarity in music is only from contemporary times then just remember that mozart wrote a song called lick my ass
(Source: ryoutashota, via curliestofcrowns)
